How to ask for a coffee chat, with email templates

Asking feels harder than it is

Most students assume a stranger will say no. That fear is usually too high. In one study, 42 Columbia students had to get five strangers to fill out a short questionnaire. They guessed they would need to ask about 20 people; they needed about 10 ³. A later review of the same lab's studies, in which participants asked more than 14,000 strangers for favors, found that people underestimated how often others would say yes by 48% on average ⁴. Most were in-person requests, and the effect can shrink or reverse. A separate study of 2,118 US adults found that people who needed help underestimated how willing others were to help and how good helping would make them feel ⁵. As one of the researchers, Frank Flynn, put it, people should not "assume that others are disinclined to comply" ⁶.

One caution: email is weaker than it feels. In a small study, 45 people each had to ask 10 strangers to fill out an unpaid survey, in person or by email. Both groups expected about one in two to agree. More than 70% of the people asked in person said yes; by email, the response rate was just 2% ⁷. (Figures via Scientific American; an unpaid survey is a colder ask than a note to an alum.) So make your email personal, specific, and easy to say yes to.

Step 1: Pick the right person

Start with the companies you want to work for. At each one, look for someone who:

1. does the kind of work you want to do;
2. went to your school, or shares a program, club, or group with you;
3. is a level or two above where you would start.

That order of priority comes from a job-search method that several career centers teach ². Skip the HR team and very senior leaders, who may not have time to meet ¹⁸. Start with the people who feel least intimidating ¹. Your first few chats are practice.

Step 2: Find a way to reach them

• Your school's alumni directory or mentoring platform. Many schools run one where alumni have signed up to talk with students, so those people have already said yes in principle ¹⁹.
• LinkedIn. The Alumni tab on your school's LinkedIn page lets you filter alumni by employer, location, field of study, and skills ¹⁰. LinkedIn has removed the graduation-year filter there ¹¹. You can also open a company's LinkedIn page and look at people from your school ⁹.
• People you already know. Professors, former managers, and family friends can introduce you to people in fields that interest you ¹².

Email or LinkedIn? Sources differ. Several advisers suggest finding people on LinkedIn but writing by email when you can find an address, because not everyone checks LinkedIn messages ¹³⁸. One career office says to connect on LinkedIn first and ask once they accept ¹⁴; another says to wait and connect after the chat ¹³.

How to decide: if you can find a work or alumni-directory email, use it, and connect on LinkedIn after the chat. If LinkedIn is your only route, send a connection request with a short note that includes your ask. Berkeley's and Stanford's guides give the note limit as 200 characters; check the current limit when you write, since LinkedIn can change it ¹⁵¹⁶.

Step 3: Write a short, specific message

A good request does six things:

1. Leads with your connection. Your shared school, or the person who suggested you write, goes first, ideally in the subject line. It gives them a reason to keep reading ¹⁵².
2. Says who you are in one line. Your year, your school, and what you are exploring.
3. Says why them. Name the specific thing about their path that made you write ¹³¹⁵.
4. Asks directly, with a time limit. End with a question, such as "Would you be open to a 20-minute call in the next few weeks?" In the research above, people asking for help thought hinting would work better, while potential helpers said they were much more likely to help when asked point blank ⁶.
5. Leaves an easy out. Acknowledge that they are busy and that you understand if the timing is bad ⁸.
6. Signs off with your name, school and year, and a link to your LinkedIn profile.

Steve Dalton's job-search method adds two firm rules: "Write fewer than seventy-five words," and keep more than half of them about the other person ².

There is research behind short and personal. A Cochrane review of 88 randomized trials of electronic questionnaires found that the odds of a response tripled with a brief invitation letter instead of a detailed one, and rose slightly with personalization ¹⁷. Reminders raised the odds too, in the review's trials of mailed questionnaires. Caveats: a survey is not a chat, and tripled odds are not three times as many responses.

How long should it be?

Everyone says short. They disagree on how short:

• Under 75 words, in Dalton's method and the career centers that teach it ²¹⁸.
• A few short paragraphs, according to another career center ¹⁵.
• Several paragraphs, with your background included, in some university sample emails ¹¹⁹.

Boomerang, an email company, looked at more than 40 million emails its users wanted answered and found the sweet spot was 50 to 125 words ²⁰. That is correlational company data, mostly not cold emails.

How to decide: for someone you have never met, aim for under about 100 words, with one line about you and the rest about them and your question.

Subject lines

BYU's career center puts the rule simply: "Many people view their emails on their phones, so a long subject line will get cut off" ²¹. Name your connection or the person who referred you when you can ¹⁵. The same guide suggests leaving jobs out of the subject and the body entirely ²¹. Some patterns to adapt:

• [School] student curious about [team] at [Company]
• Referred by [Introducer's name]

"Dear" or "Hi"?

One career writer uses first names and finds "Dear Ms. Doe" "too stilted and formal" ²². Many career-center samples open with "Dear Mr." or "Dear Ms." and a last name ¹⁹²³, while newer samples use "Hi" and a first name ¹⁵. How to decide: "Hi [First name]" suits alumni a few years ahead; for someone much more senior or in a formal field, start with "Dear" and switch when they sign off with their first name.

Step 4: Make scheduling easy

• Give them room. Ask at least a week before the dates you suggest; some guides say two to three weeks ²³¹⁰.
• Offer specific options. Once they agree, suggest two or three windows in their time zone, or share a booking link, and let them choose video, phone, or coffee ¹¹³.
• Send the invite yourself, with the video link if it is a call ¹³.
• Use your travel. Visiting their city is a natural reason to suggest meeting in person ¹.

Coffee chat email templates

Copy one, then change at least one line so it could only have been written to them.

Template 1: Emailing an alum you have never met

Hi [First name],

I'm a [year] at [School] studying [major], and I found you through [the alumni directory / LinkedIn]. I noticed you went from [earlier role] to [current role] at [Company], and that's the path I'm trying to understand.

Would you be open to a 20-minute call in the next few weeks? I'd love to hear how you made that move. I know you're busy, so I'm happy to work around your schedule.

Thank you,
[Your name]
[School] '[YY] | [LinkedIn URL]

Why it works:

• Your shared school is in the subject and the first line, so they know why you are writing ¹⁵.
• One specific detail about their path tells them this was written to them ¹³.
• The ask is a question with a time limit, and the line about their schedule lowers the pressure ²⁸.

Template 2: When someone introduced you

When a mutual contact introduces you by email, reply to the introduction, thank them, and move them to BCC so they are spared the scheduling. If you are the one asking for the introduction, send your contact a short note they can forward ²⁴.

[Introducer's first name], thank you for connecting us (moving you to BCC).

Hi [First name],

[Introducer's first name] mentioned that you [specific work they do at Company]. I'm a [year] at [School] exploring [field], and that's exactly what I'm hoping to learn about.

Would you have 20 minutes in the next two weeks? These times work for me, in your time zone: [window 1], [window 2], [window 3]. If none of those suit you, I'm glad to work around your schedule.

Thank you,
[Your name]
[School] '[YY] | [LinkedIn URL]

Why it works:

• Three specific windows make it easy to say yes without a long back-and-forth ¹.
• The introducer's name carries the trust. Only use a name with that person's permission ²³.
• Afterward, tell the introducer how the chat went; people who hear that are more likely to introduce you again ²⁴.

Template 3: A LinkedIn connection note

Hi [First name], I'm a [School] [year] exploring [field]. Your path from [earlier role] to [Company] stood out. Would you be open to a 20-minute chat this month? Thank you, [Your name]

Why it works:

• It fits comfortably inside the 200-character note limit that Berkeley's and Stanford's guides give; check the current limit when you write ¹⁵¹⁶.
• Once they accept, switch to email if you can find an address, because not everyone checks LinkedIn messages ¹³.

Template 4: A polite nudge when you have not heard back

Send this about a week after your first email, as a reply in the same thread.

Hi [First name],

I wanted to follow up on my note below in case it got buried. I'd still love to hear how you [specific thing from your first email]. Twenty minutes any time in the next few weeks would be great, and if this isn't a good season for it, no problem at all.

Thank you,
[Your name]

Why it works:

• Replying in the same thread keeps your first message right underneath ⁸.
• It restates your specific reason and keeps the easy out.

Template 5: The thank-you after the chat

Hi [First name],

Thank you for your time today. Your advice to [specific advice] stuck with me, and I'm going to [specific action] this week.

I'll also reach out to [person they suggested], as you recommended. Would it be all right if I sent you an update, or a question, as things move along?

Thanks again,
[Your name]

Why it works:

• Most career centers say to send it within 24 hours ²⁵¹³¹⁴.
• It names one specific takeaway and what you will do with it. In an informal poll of alumni reported in Harvard Business Review, the follow-up they valued most was hearing that their advice had made a positive difference (43% of answers), ahead of simply being thanked (23%) ²⁶.
• Asking to come back with an update keeps the relationship open ²⁶.

The follow-up guide covers what to send in the weeks after.

If you do not hear back

Silence is normal. Most career guides suggest one polite follow-up about a week later, sent as a reply to your first email (Template 4) ¹⁵¹⁸. Reminders raised response in the survey trials above, too ¹⁷. After a second follow-up, move on to the next person, and do not take it personally ¹.

Advisers do disagree on timing:

• About a week. The most common advice ¹⁵¹⁸.
• Faster. One adviser suggests a nudge about two days later and another three days after that ²⁷.
• A second person instead. One job-search method suggests writing to a second person at the same company after three business days, then following up with the first after seven ².

How to decide: a week is the polite default. If you face a real deadline, like an application closing, a shorter gap is reasonable; mention the deadline. On LinkedIn, if someone has not accepted your request, you cannot send them a follow-up message there ¹⁵.

Mistakes to avoid

• Asking for a job or a referral. Harvard's career office: "DON'T ask your contact for a job, even indirectly" ¹.
• Pasting the same message to many people. Say why you are writing to this person, or it looks like you are collecting connections ¹⁵.
• Using someone's name without asking. If a person suggested you reach out, confirm you may mention them ²³.

FAQ

How many people should I ask at once?

A handful at a time, so each message is written for its reader and you can keep up with follow-ups. Advice ranges from a starting list of 10 to 20 contacts ²⁸ to the view that a few high-quality conversations beat reaching out to every possible alum ¹³.

Is it strange to ask someone I have never met?

No. It is a normal request, and the research above suggests people underestimate how willing others are to help, and how good helping makes them feel ⁴⁵.

Should I attach my resume?

Sources disagree. Stanford's alumni-outreach guide says plainly: "Do not ask for a job or include a resume" ¹⁶. Penn suggests bringing one to the chat and sharing it only if asked ¹⁰. Harvard suggests sending it ahead of time ¹, and one MIT sample request attaches it ²⁹. How to decide: leave it off a first email to someone you have never met. Offer it once they agree to talk, or bring it and share it if they ask.

Keep reading

• Questions to ask in a coffee chat
• How to follow up after a coffee chat
• What is a coffee chat?