How to follow up after a coffee chat

The same-day thank-you

When. Most career centers say to send it within 24 hours ¹²³; a few allow a day or two ⁴⁵. If you missed the window, send it anyway. Holding out for a remarkable thank-you often ends with sending none at all ⁶.

What to say. One useful shape has three parts: thank them for their time, name the insight that stuck with you, and ask if you can come back with questions later ⁶. Mention something specific you talked about, so it could only have been written to them ⁷.

Email or card. Email is the norm ⁷. A handwritten note can be a nice extra; an HBR tip says one "still goes a long way" ⁵⁸. Just do not let it delay you. In the alumni poll described below, only two people mentioned gifts at all ⁶.

If writing a thank-you feels awkward, research suggests that feeling is misleading. In three experiments, people who wrote letters of gratitude underestimated how surprised and how good the recipients would feel, and overestimated how awkward the recipients would find it ⁹. Those letters went to people who had meant a lot to the writers, and a coffee chat is a smaller thing. The lesson still applies: send it.

Hi [First name],

Thank you for making time today. Your point about [specific thing they said] changed how I'm thinking about [decision or plan], and I'm going to [specific action] this week.

I'll let you know how it goes. Would it be all right to come back to you with a question as I keep going?

Thank you again,
[Your name]

Act on their advice, then tell them

This step is easy to skip, and it matters. Before a webinar for more than 1,000 alumni of European business schools and universities, Neil Courtis and Steve Dalton asked how often people they had met to help had followed up. More than half had never heard a thing ⁶. Asked what follow-up they valued, the top answers (from more than 170 written responses) were hearing that their advice had made a positive difference (43%), being thanked (23%), and hearing that their advice had been followed (22%). It was an informal poll of alumni of European schools, so read the numbers as a signal. Career centers give the same advice: tell them when you followed through, or when you met someone they suggested ⁴⁵.

A simple routine: when you send your thank-you, set a reminder for about a month later. Use that month to act on their advice, then write back with what you did and what came of it ⁶. If someone introduced you, tell them how the chat went too ¹⁰.

Hi [First name],

When we talked in [month], you suggested I [their advice]. I took you up on it: I [what you did], and [what came of it].

Thank you again for pointing me there. Next I'm planning to [next step], and I'd welcome any thoughts if something comes to mind.

Best,
[Your name]

Stay in touch without being a pest

Sources differ on how often to check in. One job-search method says monthly ¹¹⁶; one career guide suggests a few months later ²; an HBR tip suggests keeping a list of people to check in with periodically ⁸.

How to decide: while you are actively pursuing their field, roughly monthly is reasonable if you have real news each time. Otherwise, every few months is plenty. Either way, never send a message that only asks for something.

Good reasons to write:

• an update on something they advised;
• an article tied to something you discussed;
• congratulations on a new role or a work anniversary ⁴².

You may feel you have nothing to offer someone more senior. Harvard's guide encourages passing along ideas, articles, and contacts that would interest them ¹². Courtis and Dalton point out that the people you ask for advice are usually "more senior and thus hard for you to help," and that updates matter more ⁶. Connect on LinkedIn after the chat with a short personal note, so you see their news ²³.

When and how to ask about a referral

Referrals are worth asking for well. Across nine large firms, referred applicants were more likely to be hired than other applicants with similar skills ¹³. In one study of one US financial-services firm, referred candidates were 6% of applicants but 29% of hires, and more than twice as likely as job-board applicants to be interviewed ¹⁴.

Career guides disagree about when to ask. Some say to keep referrals out of your first conversation and let the other person raise any openings ²¹⁵. UC Berkeley's guide says asking can be fine once you have learned about the company and the person's role, because "asking for a referral is like asking for directions, not a ride" ¹⁶.

A rule that respects both sides: ask after you have had a real conversation, for a specific posting, and make no an easy answer. Include the link, your resume, and two sentences they could forward. Ask whether you should apply online first ¹⁶. If they say no, thank them and move on; a no often reflects company policy, timing, or simply not knowing your work well enough yet ¹⁶. If they offer a referral, put a follow-up on your calendar for two weeks later ¹¹.

Hi [First name],

Thanks again for your advice in [month]. Since then I've [short update]. I just saw an opening for [role title] on your team: [link].

From what you told me about [team or work], it looks like a strong fit, and I plan to apply this week. If you feel comfortable, would you be willing to refer me? I've attached my resume, and here is a short summary you could pass along:

[Two sentences: who you are and why you fit this role.]

If that isn't possible, no problem at all. I'd still be grateful for any advice on making my application stronger.

Thank you,
[Your name]

If they do not reply

A thank-you does not need an answer, so do not read anything into silence. Save your next message for when you have real news. If a later check-in also goes unanswered, let it rest; you can write again when something changes.

Keep notes

Keep a simple log: who you talked to, when, what they said, what you promised, and when to follow up ¹⁷¹². Put each follow-up on your calendar the day you send the thank-you, so nothing depends on memory ¹¹⁶.

FAQ

How soon should I send the thank-you?

The same day if you can. Most career centers say within 24 hours ¹²³, and some allow up to two days ⁴⁵.

Should I connect on LinkedIn afterward?

Yes, with a short personal note ²³. It also means you will see their news, which gives you a reason to write later.

What if I forgot to send one?

Send it now, and keep it short. Waiting for the perfect note is how a thank-you never gets sent ⁶.

Keep reading

• How to ask for a coffee chat, with email templates
• Questions to ask in a coffee chat
• What is a coffee chat?